The Nuts Every Time
Team Poker-Spank

Team Poker-Spank is an elite crew. A team of men and women assembled from the best of the best of the poker world. A team so powerful that even Water Boat was refused entry to its hallowed ranks. Each one of us has been blooded at the cash tables at the Bellagio playing for the entire mortgage, three packets of crisps, and a kidney. Full bios will be coming soon, but in the interim:

Cliff “Poker-Spank” Shaw - 

The founding member of Poker-Spank. Cutting his teeth at the cash tables of grotty Casinos in England, before making the leap to the on-line world and instantly final tabling no fewer than three televised tournaments at PKR (which was hard, no really) and balling it at the Bellagio at least three times a year, he is a Poker legend. Wearing nothing more than a Fedora he single handedly lost all his money playing craps only to win it back playing black jack, to lose it again playing poker. His meta game was sound though, it was just shitty variance. You can’t play with fish anyway. Fuckers. To avoid that he now largely cheats at cards, or plays at the high stakes table with other ballers who are more apt to do what they’re told.  

Erik “Towels” Savage -

A seasoned on-line and off-line professional player, who is an expert at the kind of Poker games that most people just laugh politely about and change the subject. (You know, fucking stud, and that shit with four hole cards, whatever the fuck that is . He first met Cliff at Poker-Stars, when he watched him shove all but 10% of his stack into the middle, then fold to the shove he induced to live and fight another day. Instantly recognizing the genius at work he immediately signed up, and has been playing for Poker-Spank ever since. A regular at the WSOP and at the high stakes tables at the Bellagio his name spreads fear to the hearts of all who play poker. 

Marc “The Doctor” Dolittle - 

One of the newest members of the Poker-Spank team, but a legend none the less. Skilled in the arts of hand to hand combat, cheese eating, goat milking and cards he is the most rounded of the team. Earning his living at the tables for more than 157 years he is a foe not to be trifled with. He’s partial to some cake though. 

Matt “Thai Guru” Majidsky

No one has seen Matt since 2009 when he disappeared into a Thai jungle, wearing a sarong and screaming about the banshees of the North.