The Nuts Every Time
Team Poker-Spank


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In 2003, was born. It was an innocent time. A naive time. A time when donkeys roamed free across the virtual hills of Full Tilt and Poker Stars, spewing their money and their chips everywhere. D-Zone (although Ginger and Neckbearded) provided actually usable Poker training and advice to junior donks throughout the land, and the WSOP was the most watched ‘sporting’ event in the world (much like me taking a shit is the least watched ‘endurance’ event in the world, but I digress).

Then came the era of ‘meta gaming’, 1st, level thinking, 2nd level thinking, 3rd level thinking, 18th level thinking, 158th level thinking, ROI, graphs, poker tracker, and other shit that made poker a fucking degree level course in spreadsheet management, suitable only for the kind of basement dwelling autistics that made up most of the on-line poker playing population at the time. Pissing into bottles for fear of spending a critical minute and a half away from the screen while 22 tabling 1c/2c games desperately trying to ‘go pro’, and masturbating to Late Night Poker were the dishes de jour. But still there were comedy moments to be had.

Then the unthinkable happened. No, I’m not talking about the death of on-line poker in the US. I’m talking about Fastermule poker being taken off line. D-zone quitting poker and just becoming a Ginger Neckbeard with no other redeeming features. No longer did the sounds of “Whicha….Ship it!” resonate through the gaming halls of the west. No longer did people rub it on their titties.

So now,, stands as a modern relic. A salty biscuit from the past. A site devoted to what poker is: Fucking hilarious, fun, stupid, frustrating, brilliance. Poker-Spank will stand, as it has for over 10 years as a monument to how Poker should be played. By grabbing it by the tits and spanking one out on it.

Obviously we lost the entire site in a server change and so are currently in a massive redesign phase, but fuck that for a game. In the interim, Cliff “Poker-Spank” Shaw, Erik “Towels” Savage, Marc “the Doctor” Dolittle, and the other Poker-Spank pros will be in Las Vegas, at the tables, ballin’ it oldschool. Blogging to you live.

Whicha. Ship it.

-Cliff “Poker-Spank” Shaw - salting a biscuit with your name on it.